The Fine Work of Duality

When I was very young, around three years old, people used to visit me not because I was cute, but rather before going to their exams or starting any important work. People believed that whatever page I opened in their book would contain the same questions they would encounter in their exam.  However, all of this changed after a few years.

I used to attend a play school near my home, which was even closer to Papa’s bookshop. One day, our class teacher informed us that the school would be taking us on a trip to a temple located far away on the bus the day after tomorrow, and we were required to bring Rs.50/- by the next day.

Excited about my first bus trip with friends, I returned home and shared the news with Granny. She heard me in a non-interested way and casually remarked, “I will decide tomorrow”. I believed her. Well, what was there to decide? 

But the next morning, when I asked her for the money again. She responded, “This girl is always in a hurry. I will decide tomorrow” Which tomorrow? The same thing she said yesterday.

Anyway, I went to school. Most of the children did not get the money. The teacher said in a strict voice, “Those who don’t get money by tomorrow, will not go to the picnic”.  

All the children, including myself, became frightened. Upon returning home, I informed Granny about it, but she ignored me. 

The next morning, I was very excited about school as it was my picnic day. I said to Papa, “I have to bring the money today. Or else the teacher won’t allow me to go to the picnic.” 

Papa inquired with Granny. With her eye cast down she replied, “Tell your teacher that it will be paid in a few days.”

I insisted, “It must be paid today. The teacher was very strict about it.”

Papa appealed to Granny, “We have to pay it regardless; let her take the money today”

But Granny ignored him. 

I said to Papa, “In that case, I will not go to school today.”  

Granny didn’t want that either; missing school was not an option. 

With a reluctant expression, Granny said, “You have to go to school. I will send the money shortly.” (I couldn’t understand why not now.)

Papa assured me, “I will bring the money soon. Everyone knows us because of our shop. The teacher won’t say anything to you.” 

Anyway, Papa dropped me off at school. 

The teacher asked everyone to stand in a queue with the money in hand. She was sitting outside in the playground on a chair with a small desk in the front. There were a few children before me, I quickly counted my turn. My class teacher was writing down the names of the children while collecting the money.  After paying the money each child ran to the bus and took the best seat. I was worried at the back of my mind, everyone was holding the money except me. I was sure Papa would be here soon. My eyes were on the main door. The bus was also parked just outside the door. The children on the bus were very happy. They were waving to us from the bus window. I was eager to join them. 

My turn came. I said, “Madam, papa will come here soon with the money.”

Madam angrily said, “Parents don’t take the teachers seriously. This is not acceptable. You will not go to the picnic today”

I said, “You must be knowing my papa. We have a bookshop in the market.” 

She got more irritated and said, “I don’t know your papa. Now go and stand separately from the line. You are interpreting others.”    

She made me stand in the sun all alone. I saw all the children and my friends went inside the bus. I experienced deep sadness, and humiliation for the first time but I was not aware of it. Every minute seemed like a year. After 45 minutes, madam said, “Your father has not come. We will leave you alone in this school”.

I got so afraid.  As a child, I could not understand anything. I was just feeling the things. I had no words in my mind.  The only thing I knew was that I was not as happy as before.

Madam went inside the room and kept the collected money in her locker. She got ready and came out with her handbag and with other teachers. Ready to go. Fear was piercing my heart. 

My class teacher asked the other teachers, “What to do with this child? Shall we send her back home?”

One teacher said, “I know her father, he is a good man. They have a bookshop nearby. He will surely pay.”

My class teacher made a face and said to me, “Go and adjust yourself on the bus.”

My excitement and confidence were killed by that time. The bus was full. The teacher asked me to sit on the floor of the bus. She kept ignoring me throughout the trip. We reached the temple. Nothing was exciting to me anymore. I wanted to go back home as soon as possible. In the evening the teacher distributed the snacks to the children, when my turn came she said, “How can you expect snacks? You have not paid any money.”

A three-year-old child does not know what is happening.  But now I know. Every child is an individual soul. It is the fine work of duality to take away innocence and fill the mind with fear, anger, anxiety, stress, and sadness. The circumstances continue doing so throughout life for the simple reason that it is there in our being and it has to be seen and recognized. One has to take the responsibility of oneself to learn and grow further. It is a beautiful journey.  After a long process, one attains innocence and a pure mind like a child again with a difference by making a conscious efforts. To me, it was all done with my sincere meditation practice for 12 years and with the help of my meditation teacher.