Beyond Scores

One day, during a conversation with my 12-year-old daughter, Vrinda told me, “Aannya, my friend, is just an average student in the class.”

“How can you say that?” I asked.

“She scored 80% on the exams, and most of my classmates got more than 90%.”, Vrinda replied. 

I made fun of the situation and said, “In that case, you must be considered a below-average student since you scored only 65%”.

We both burst into laughter.

When Vrinda was in the primary class, she once came to me with a troubled and said “How do I memorise the textbook answers? It is hard to learn them word by word.”

I replied, “You don’t have to memorize word by word. Just read the text carefully and rewrite it in your words, like telling a story.”

She followed my advice and found it much easier. After her school test, she said, “Her teacher did not give full marks for her answers”.

I reassured her, “But you understood the concept. Don’t worry about the scores.”

My daughter adopted this method throughout her academic years. However, during every parent-teacher meeting, the teachers’ feedback remained the same : 

 “Vrinda is a smart girl, but makes many silly mistakes, spelling errors, lack of focus, talks too much, use casual language in writing, which is not acceptable.” 

I heard the teacher attentively but chose not to scold Vrinda. Instead, I decided to help her improve her Hindi spelling in a way she enjoy. 

I went to the market and bought a Hindi storybook meant for younger children, along  with colourful pens. I selected 10 simple words and gave her a dictation. She got all the spelling wrong. Without reacting, I wrote the correct spelling using different colours. She enjoyed the colourful corrections.

The next day, I gave her the same 10 words again. This time, she got one correct. We repeated this exercise daily until she mastered five words, after which I introduced five new ones. 

At first, it went well, but soon she grew frustrated. “Why are you doing this to me? The same story, the same words every day – It is so boring! I am not doing this anymore. You are a bad mom” she said, crying.

I stayed calm and replied, “If you keep fighting and crying about it, it will take much longer. But if you focus, it will only take 5 minutes. It is up to you. I am not going anywhere until you finish.” 

For an hour, she tried her best to manipulate me, but I kept listening patiently.  My meditation practice helped me remain composed. Eventually, she realised mom was not going to give up. She completed the dictation in 5 minutes.

This routine continued for four months. Despite persistent criticism from teachers during PTMs, I held back my frustration and did not let it affect my daughter. After six months, she surprised everyone, including herself, by writing many difficult words effortlessly. 

I still remember, whenever I misbehaved or acted out, he never raised his voice, gave an angry look, or used harsh words. Instead, his eyes radiated something extraordinary –  an infinite ocean of love and patience.

It was so beautiful how his anger transformed into love every time. No theories, no psychology, just pure love. Seeing those eyes dissolved my own anger. Sometimes, I even pushed him intentionally to see them again.

Though he is no longer with me, whenever I close my eyes, I still feel his love. 

Poem

When I was unreasonable and crying, 

He quietly sat beside me,

Listening patiently for hours, 

It always remained with me, 

His deep ocean lovely eyes.

When fear troubled me at night, 

I ran to him and hugged him tight. 

Suddenly, felt so brave,

I challenged demons around,

My first experience of fearlessness,

In papa’s arms.