Dealing with Anger

The mind’s job is to think, much like any other function of our body. As we slow down, our attention turns inward, revealing feelings of guilt, sadness, and anger—mostly negative emotions at first.

When I took over our family business, a stationery and book shop, it was in disarray: poor working conditions, mismanaged stock, and an empty bank account. After my father’s death, the salesmen and employees took control. When I asked for details, they responded rudely. Even trying to improve small things led to heated arguments, leaving me hyperventilating and out of control.

My mom suggested, “Just be there at the shop peacefully. Let things remain as they are.”

I thought, “Fine, why should I lose my peace of mind if nobody else is interested in improving anything?”

But that wasn’t in my nature. Salesmen continued taking big orders by pleasing shop employees. I sensed something was wrong and found it difficult to hold back my anger. So, I reacted—sometimes overreacted. As a result, the salesmen and employees turned against me, complaining to my mom, “Why change things now?”

My mom became stressed, and I became a pain in the neck for everyone. I told myself, “Being angry is not good. Like this, I will not achieve anything. I must change my approach.”

I decided to focus on one thing at a time and renovate the shop. It took months to convince my mom. I took a loan from a friend, hired an architect, and despite much resistance, the shop turned out beautifully. Everyone enjoyed working in the comfortable, well-organized, and attractively designed space.

Next, I tackled the old stock. With a marketing strategy, I cleared up 10-year-old stock. Encouraged, I suggested to my mom and the employees, “Let’s focus on items that are easy to manage and more profitable. We need to make space by removing less profitable items.”

But no one wanted more changes. Frustrated, I stopped coming to the shop. Everyone was happy to see me go, but I had already invested a lot of energy into the shop. I missed working there and realized I needed the shop more than it needed me. Yet, it was difficult to let go of my ego.

I didn’t want this to happen to me. There had to be a better way. Then, one day after a meditation session, something changed in me. I accepted, “Okay, anger is there in me. My attitude is making my life difficult.”

After that, I stayed in that state of mind for many days, tolerating myself, being present with my emotions, and slowly doing all the work. It wasn’t easy—it felt like killing a part of myself—but one day, suddenly, I felt light and happy for no reason. I realized that my whole life I had been trying hard to change myself. This effort had only doubled my conflict. At first, I had anger; second, I felt I shouldn’t have it. At least now, I was dealing with one conflict at a time. And guess what? It was easier than I expected.

A few days later, I went to buy a chair. The owner of the shop was an old man, and he said, “My son doesn’t want to work with me at my shop. He says he will only join me if I let him improve the shop and make it like other modern shops. He calls my shop a junkyard. But I prefer to work like this. I feel more comfortable and approachable to the common people.”

At that moment, I understood his and my mom’s point of view. I immediately called my mom and said, “I’m coming to the shop tomorrow.”

Mom said, “You are most welcome.”

My mentor also suggested I go through every detail of the shop very slowly. I did the same and discovered many new things while examining each purchase voucher carefully: what to buy and from where, which deals were best, what to stock, and when. After six months, this knowledge gave me clarity, making it easier to explain things to my mom and the employees. Somehow, my anger turned into firmness and clarity without losing my inner peace.

Mom said, “These details have been overlooked for many years. I am happy you are here. The employees and salesmen stay disciplined and respect you. The shop is making a profit.”