A paid job

Ms. Manushi Chillar of India won the International title of Ms. World 2017 by answering the question “Which occupation do you think should be the highest-paid?” and she answered “A mother and a housewife at home should be the highest-paid job”. Are these nice-sounding words for winning a contest only? 

Everyone needs attention and appreciation. It is human nature and no one is an exception. A housewife/mother is multitasking and efficient. She makes four perfect meals every day, quite a demanding job. Mind a lot depends on what we eat.  Then keeping the house in order, making efforts with children academically, and helping them to develop their all over personality is a full-time job.  All come under her so-called duties. Everyone expects perfection from her in all the aspects.

In reality, the ‘highest paid job’ happens to be financially dependent, treated with dis-respect, inferior, and double standards; something for him and something else for her. She is on the edge of tolerance in the name of adjustments for the children, home, and marriage.

One day, passing through a colony, I heard someone calling out my name. It was Neha. The last time I met her was 20 years ago. She was my classmate. What a coincidence and surprise! She invited me to her home. While she went to get me water, I looked at her family pictures on the wall. It was clear she was married with kids and had a beautiful house. Everything looked perfect, but her face and health were telling a different story. She looked much older than her age. 

I asked an obvious question. “What do you do?” She replied with her eyes down, in a soft and unconfident voice, “Housewife”. 

Immediately, to comfort her, I said, “That is the greatest job”. My eyes were down too.

She smiled with her eyes down again. What a fake conversation!  After some time, I made an excuse and left the place. Her face haunted me for many days.

This is the story of almost every housewife. A wife’s job is considered as no job. She is suffering from low self-esteem, financial dependency, suppressed anger, and desires. Also, iron, vitamin B12, and calcium deficiencies, depression, and various other health issues.

There is a custom in some regions of India during Holi (the festival of colors), that all the wives of the village have total freedom to hit their husbands with a stick, and all the husbands defend themselves with a shield. Sometimes, whilst hitting, she cries aloud. Sometimes she seems to enjoy it. There are different emotions at play, but it is done in a good spirit. It might look silly to an outsider, but it is a healthy way to get rid of accumulated anger and suppression.

In urban areas, an educated woman has to step out of her home and take a job to live with dignity. Now she manages herself, her home, her children, and her job.  She has her own car and bank balance. She is more confident and appreciated for her creativity and ability, and very busy.

Is this the solution? This is just taking the situation from one extreme to another. This often leads to a compromise with children, home, and food. Many women lose interest in motherhood. She is afraid to make commitments.

Sonia is a smart girl. She easily got a job after college and was promoted within a few months.

One day, she met a boy and they fell in love. After two years, they decided to get married.

Sonia was clear about what she wanted from life. She said to her boyfriend, “After marriage, I want to dedicate myself to my family and children”.  The boy said, “This is what I want too”.

The next day, Sonia drew up an agreement and asked him to sign it.

It was like this:

Whatever property, money, and bank balance I own, I share 50% with Sonia if we get separated in future for whatsoever reason. After our marriage, every month I will transfer 25% of my total income to Sonia’s account.

He said “This is all obvious, why write it down? Don’t you trust me?”

Sonia said “I trust you; that is why I am leaving my job security and all other lifestyle benefits just to take care of my family. It is like a government job, where we perform our best in a secure environment.”

He understood her point and signed the papers for her satisfaction.

It is now eight years since marriage. They have two children. They argue almost every day, but no big fights. Sonia loves to serve her family and he loves and appreciates her work.

It is not a gender fight. It is human nature for a strong person to dominate the weak one; the boss dominates subordinates, teachers dominate students, parents dominate the child. As long we are weak, there will always be someone to exploit us.

There is no other way left for us to make an effort and overcome our weakness. We get to realise our hidden strength. There are many possibilities. Our true confidence is right there inside of us and waiting for us to recognize it. Either we make efforts to attain it, else we continue living in extremes with never-ending problems.