A paid job

Ms. Manushi Chillar of India won the International title of Ms. World 2017 by answering the question, “Which occupation do you think should be the highest-paid?” Her response was simple and profound : “A mother and a housewife should be the highest-paid job”. But was this just an elegant answer to win a contest, or does it hold deeper truth?

The Reality Behind the Words

Everyone seeks attention and appreciation. It is human nature. Yet, the role of a housewife is often undervalued. She makes four perfect meals every day, which is quite a demanding job. We are what we eat, we forget that. Then keeping the house in order, making efforts with children academically, and helping them to develop their all over personality is a full-time job. All come under her so-called duties. Everyone expects perfection from her in all aspects.

Ironically, what should be the ‘highest paid job’ is instead financially dependent, and often met with disregard, double standards, and suppressed emotions.

One day, passing through a colony, I heard someone call my name – It was Neha, a classmate I had not seen in 20 years. She invited me to her home, where I noticed family pictures on the wall, showcasing what seemed like a perfect life. It was clear she was married with kids and had a beautiful house. Everything looked perfect, but her face and health were telling a different story. She looked much older than her age, weighted down by something invisible yet heavy. Trying to break the silence, I asked an obvious question. “What do you do?” She replied, with her eyes down, in a soft and unconfident voice, “Housewife”.

To comfort her, I replied, “That is the greatest job”. My eyes were down, too.

She smiled, with her eyes down again. What a fake conversation! After some time, I made an excuse and left the place. Her face haunted me for many days. How many women share this unspoken reality? Financial dependence, suppressed dreams, health issues, and a quiet enduring struggle.

There is a custom in some regions of India during Holi (the festival of colors), that all the wives of the village have total freedom to hit their husbands with a stick, and all the husbands defend themselves with a shield. Sometimes, whilst hitting, she cries aloud. Sometimes, she seems to enjoy it. There are different emotions at play, but it is done in good spirit. It might look silly to an outsider, but it is a healthy way to get rid of accumulated anger and suppression.

In urban areas, an educated woman has to step out of her home and take a job to live with dignity. Now she manages herself, her home, her children, and her job. She has her own car and bank balance. She is more confident and appreciated for her creativity and ability and is very busy.

Is this the solution? This is just taking the situation from one extreme to another. This often leads to a compromise with children, home, and food. Many women lose interest in motherhood. She is afraid to make commitments.

Sonia is a bright ambitions woman with a clear vision for her future. She easily got a job after college and was promoted within a few months. She fell in love, and when marriage discussion began, she told her fiance, “After marriage, I want to dedicate myself to my family and children”. He agreed.

But the next day, Sonia presented him with a written agreement. :-

If we ever separate, for any reason, I will receive 50% of all the property, savings, and assets.
Every month, you will transfer 25% of your income to my account other than household expenses as my financial security.

He was taken aback, “Why put this in writing? Don’t you trust me?”

Sonia said, “I trust you. That is why I am not pursuing career and financial independence to take care of our family. A homemaker’s work deserves the same dignity as a profession -with security, not just love.”

He understood and signed. It is now eight years since the marriage. They have two children. They argue like any couple, but there is mutual respect. She dedicates herself to her family, and he values her contribution.

It is not a gender issue – It is a human pattern. The strong dominate the weak. Bosses dominate employees. Teachers dominate students. Parents dominate children. As long as there is a power imbalance, someone will suffer.

Rather than fighting for superficial rights, we must seek self-awareness. True empowerment comes from recognising and nurturing our inner strength. Without it, we will always fluctuate between extremes with never-ending problems.