Kundalini

People often ask about kundalini, and how it arises. There are many theories connected to it, often controlling sexuality. Today, I would like to share my understanding and experiences. From my teenage years, I felt no interest in sexual matters; it simply held no allure. Later, my daughter was born, it was a technical job.

About 15 years ago, I began meditating on my own and was blessed with some extraordinary experiences. I was amazed at how effortlessly my negative thoughts dissolved as if they had never been part of me. It was like pure magic. Internal conflicts disappeared without explanation. My mind became crystal clear, and my body was light as a feather. I was filled with energy, and creativity flowed effortlessly, along with an immense compassion. All past resentments vanished, and my childhood innocence returned. It was transformative, as pessimism shifted to optimism.

As a result, people around me became friendlier, even with whom I did have tensions. Conversation became simpler and conflicts seemed to dissolve without extensive communication.

After a month of daily blissful meditation, I felt an unexpected desire for closeness—romantic intimacy but not sexual. My marriage had ended emotionally, so I wasn’t drawn to my husband. Shyam, my neighbor, had been around, yet I’d never thought of him in that way until now. Surprisingly, we both felt a connection. Though he was married, I felt love not only for him but also for his family. His wife found it difficult to accept this but gradually found comfort in knowing there was no sexual element between us. We spent time together as a group—Shyam, his family, and me—often discussing spirituality and visiting ashrams.

My love was so boundless that I felt calm in every situation, including the complex dynamics with my husband, Shyam’s wife, and the surrounding world. A profound sense of peace reassured me that everything was exactly as it should be. I felt no need to justify myself; instead, I understood everyone’s perspective. I had no future plans and expectations, yet trusted deeply that every experience was purposeful.

During this time, I began to have dreams of moving through a purple light, crossing dimensions to reach a brilliant white light. Shyam and I shared these experiences openly, and he, being spiritually inclined, encouraged me. Eventually, I felt a desire for a closer bond, but life circumstances resisted. Every attempt to deepen the relationship met with a natural block as if life itself didn’t wish for it to continue. The separation was painful, and there were moments when the intensity made it hard to breathe. Turning inward, I realized that neither God nor others were responsible for this pain. I had to go through it for my spiritual growth. 

As the longing grew, even a glimpse of him could fulfill me entirely. Back then, without smartphones, our connection was more limited. One day, I attended a party hoping to see him. When I saw him suddenly everything else fades away. I walked toward him, unaware of anyone else. I felt there were no other people than two of us in the whole room. I could not hear any party noises, all the voices seized.  I don’t know how I was experiencing it. He had to leave soon after, not wanting to upset his wife, but that brief meeting stayed with me deeply.

One day on the phone he mentioned that I should learn kriya yoga. My longing and pain led me to Rishikesh. That journey took me to meet my guru. Since then, life has never been the same, and neither have I.

I still experience anxiety, fear, and stress with a difference that it does not take me as before. As I have been meditating every day religiously for 12 years, I have helped develop a unique relationship with my thoughts. Most of the time l try to live with it as long as I can tolerate before reacting. Other times I react immediately but with more awareness, gentleness, and precision. It no longer drains my energy, a marked contrast to the hyperactive, blunt person I used to be.

Inner peace and silence reflect in my outer life. Meditation deepens my passion for everything I undertake, and I find joy in learning and embracing new challenges, whether it is classical vocal, classical dance, writing, painting, or musical instruments. At 50, I feel I have a mind like a child now, more receptive. In my business, I’m completely engaged and absorbed, I look forward to go there every day.  Previously, everything was boring, I had to struggle to learn new skills; now, I enjoy them.

When I close my eyes to meditate, something profound happens. It’s not the absence of thoughts but an ease around them, like two rivers flowing side by side without interference. Suddenly silence began to expand, and grow wider. In meditation, two things occur simultaneously: there is intensity in every thought but they also lose their hold more quickly. This sharpened awareness allows each thought to complete its journey and dissolve naturally. This process only continues to deepen and accelerate. Awakening of Kundalini means enriching every aspect of life, as well as the scope and vision of more possibilities. I feel that true love can activate Kundalini.